Before anything else, I would like to apologize to the reader of this, for it would be a very “journal-type” of post. This would have details about my day because, as the title says, it was a day of epic proportions. Also, I think it is going to be long, so pardon me. But still have fun!
Today, my day began 5:45 am, despite it being a weekend. I was going to teach in a public high school for a college entrance test review. I left the house with everyone asleep, and reached the rendezvous point at around 7 am because that was what was agreed upon. By 9: 30am we were sorted to the rooms which we would be teaching.
Before entering college, I panic when talking in front of large crowds. I feel my hands lose heat, and cold sweat sliding down my back, but now, I do not feel that nervous. Yes, I can’t deny the fact that I am still nervous, but now, I no longer have to jump up and down or run around to get rid of the nervousness.
My session began at around 2:00 pm, so I had time to review the modules. I had no chance at all to see what I was going to teach, but I had to try. I read as fast as I can and reviewed each lesson. When I stood in front, without the nervousness, I blanked out.
I could not explain every word. I really had a hard time getting the attention of the students, and my examples were…. *insert explosion here*. In the middle of the session, I gave up. The CEO of the organization I was a member of and who hosted the review program observed me during this time. She joined in the discussion (though I don’t think that is the accurate word for what happened), and soon she was teaching the class.
I wanted to redeem myself. That is just my style. So, I tried to do so by picking an easier topic and taught it to the class. The CEO said I had redeemed myself, but I don’t think I have.
She told me to take a rest while she taught the other class the topic I failed at. She wanted to do it. I knew that, but I couldn’t just let it go. I really wanted to show her that I can given the time and practice. After all, it was my first real teaching “gig”. AND I was completely unprepared.
I think I did better with the second class. For one, they seemed really passive with the lesson, and I was prepared. I gave clearer examples, and there was much more flow. Why? Because the CEO tutored me. I knew she was disappointed.
The last class was the most devastating, disappointing, etc. class of all. The CEO had already taught all of the classes in the morning, and she was amazing. Everybody enjoyed her. When I taught, I had to live up to something I never reached. Then, I began to panic again, losing my “skill” I had in the second class. After my topic, the CEO jumped in and the class was all very excited. I felt really sad. Yes. That is the only word that describes that feeling.
The tutorial ended at around 6:00 pm.
While going home, I was debating with myself, whether I will go to a high school friend’s surprise party for us. Yes, he just requested we go to a place, and a surprise would be waiting for us.
I was commuting when I thought, “What the heck? Maybe it can cheer me up.”
I made the right decision. At the place, a high school friend, who moved abroad, was staying here for good again. He surprised me by grabbing my ankles when I sat down the chair. My reaction was very passive, and my friends did not expect that at all. I mean I was really stressed when I reached the location, so I don’t think I had the energy left to actually have a funnier reactions. Though the reactions of the other people made me laugh. A LOT.
We ate, chatted, drank ( tea), sang karaoke. It was fun. My friends saw a different side of me. I was always quiet and shy, but today, I just didn’t care. I sang my heart out, even if I had sore throat. We played cards, and drank tea, which we thought was spiked because we somehow became crazy after that. Just kidding! We are all good little boys and girls. (honestly).
Now, I feel a little bit lighter, but there is still a burden in my heart. It makes me wonder whether being a teacher is the right profession for me. Though singing things out eases the burden, but after all the fun and laughter, a dark shadow still resides in your heart.