Monthly Archives: January 2013

About Me Series: Tomboy

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I may be a girl, but I am no girly girl. I am a tomboy.

Well, my degree of being  a tomboy does not verge into lesbianism, but other females might think I am (sorry for the word) a slut.

Just because I enjoy hanging out with guys does not make me a wh***. With guys, everything is so simple. I feel confident around guys. I can talk to them for so long, and not feel awkward at all. 

I have the most fun times when I am with guys. I guess they are much better listeners that girls are. I could go on and on about my problems, and they would still be listening. If I ask them suggestions, they give some, as proof of their constant attention. Sometimes, I ask them about their problems, and they just ask me to continue talking.

Guys are also much stronger than girls, and I feel safe around them. Sometimes I find their gestures like letting me get in first or accompanying me until I get to the bus. These little gestures make me feel special. Something I do not feel often with girls.

When I am with the girls, I always need to look presentable. I have to dress up nicely or else I would really look out of place. As opposed to a time with guys- a loose shirt, shorts and rubber shoes is the perfect outfit for an afternoon with them. 

Being with the guys gives me a new understanding of how their mind works. Though I admit, there are times when the conversations get awkward, especially when they begin talking about girls. 

Somehow when talking to girls, I would always feel left out. The maximum group of girls that can be involved in a conversation is three, and I am always the fourth. I seem to can;t find a group that only has two, so I can be the third member (in college).

In high school, I found a pair of girls, and soon, I was able to join them perfectly. I have another group in high school with six girls. If we were engaging in conversations, soon enough we would break into smaller groups of three. 

Strange isn’t it? How I am a 100% female, yet unable to comprehend the female mind? How I feel so much more comfortable around guys than with my own kind? 

Disclaimer: The guys and gals I talk about in this post are the people I met. This does not generalize to the entire population of the earth.

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About Me Series: Jealousy

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Jealousy is a sin- a sin I am deeply entangled with.

My brother who isn’t even a year older than me is so much smarter than me. He has entered competitions, a prestigious high school as well as a university. He is currently studying to be a doctor. He always gets what he wants. I mean always. Even though my parents reprimand him, he still gets his way. He has this strange addiction to computer gaming, and my parents are angry at him because of that, yet they still let him play. Whenever we eat out, he always orders the most expensive or one of the most expensive dishes. He was the first one to get an android phone in our family. Indeed, there is something to be jealous about there.

I have a friend in high school. We were the best of friends, yet she is the one who is noticed by all. She is so much more popular than me, yet we are always together. She is well liked by all- even teachers remember her than me. I only get noticed when I do something funny with her, but then I get forgotten soon enough. Indeed, there is something to be jealous about there.

In college, I thought I can get rid of being the shadow of my best friend, but soon enough I met someone just like her. A risk-taker. A friend of everyone. I tried so hard to be better than her, and I think I am, but everyone still likes her more. Everyone expects her to be the next leader. Everyone expects greater things from her. Indeed, there is something to be jealous about there.

Another girl I met in college is very pretty- or so everyone says. I do not think it is pure jealousy, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It’s just that my eyes are broken. Everyone wants to be her friend. Everyone thinks she’s so great, but I just can’t see it. I do not see what makes her so capable when all she does is sit prettily and show off her skin. Indeed, there is something to be jealous about there.

Jealousy is indeed a sin- a sin I am deeply entangled with. So how do I break free of these shackles of sin that bind me from flying free?

As much As I Want To

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If I could go back in time, I would really appreciate it. I want to go back to my carefree high school days. I want to go back to the time where my mind was outspoken, but my body remained silent. It is  much safer that way.

I want to go back because back then, I had no responsibilities. I want to tell my lustful self to stop craving for those “responsibilities”. It will do her no good. It will merely bring her sleepless nights and useless tears.

I want to go back to when I could simply ask for anything I wanted, not worrying over the cost of this and the expenses for the days to come.

I want to go back to the people who made me a “better” person- to the people who keep me chained to the ground, unable to fly and be free. I know now, that they kept me from losing my self. They kept me from being a bad person.

Yes, Life is so much simpler then. I want to go back. Even just for a minute. Just for a rest. I am tired and I want to rest. I want to rest, only if I could.

What’s Done is Done and the Best is yet to Come

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I wanted to write a something on new year’s day or new year’s eve, but somehow I got caught up with all the celebration. Nonetheless, I still wanted to write about the new year, so here it goes.

Last 2012 was one of the best years of my life. Other bests include the year 2008, where I went to China to study for two whole months, and 2011- the year I found my best friends and the year I passed all my college entrance exams. The biggest milestones that had for 2012 were:

1. I became a member of an organization- You must be thinking, ” She’s gone nuts. She rants about the misery her organization brings her, yet she is still happy?” I think the happiness and relationships I gained throughout my stay, inevitably, out weighs the problems and stress it brought me. Through the organization, I was able to find a best friend.

2. I accompanied my dad to China for the trade show. In those days, I swear, I felt like a real professional.

3. I was scouted to be a vice-chairperson of the college. This is the big break I was waiting for my whole life (or the life that has already been passed anyway).

4. I finally have a blog that is still active for almost a year. P.S.It’s Not this one. 😉 (sense the sarcasm) :))

There are so much more, and I do not think I can write it all, but as the year passed, I always have a tradition as I join the countdown for the year.

I jump. I jump in hopes of growing taller. Even half an inch would do. At least that would make me officially five feet. I jump for the year that has passed, for the efforts I have done to get to where I am today. I jump for the hope the new year will bring me.

Other than jumping, I also make new year resolutions. But like almost every other person in the world, I do not accomplish these at all.  Every year, I write the same things which include to exercise more, to grow taller, to stop reading manga and watching anime. I would try it for the first two days of the year, then its back to my old habits. Now, I set more realistic goals which seek a more intrapersonal growth. (Physical growth, for me, is out of the question).

1. This year I would be more professional. The last school day of last year, I said yes to running for vice-chairperson of the college. I want to know the rules of the world even if it is still at the bottom of the business chain. Nonetheless, this year would help me grow as a professional. Still, my academics are still my top priority over anything else.

2. I would like to travel to another country. Hmmm… this would require a budget. I would like to go to Disneyland. It is almost my last year as a teenager, so I want to go there and have fun. If I wait for a few more years, I do not have any excuse to go there anymore XD

3. I want to teach kids over the summer break. Maybe cooking or art classes. A friend is offering me a job at their summer camp. I have always wanted to try being a camp counselor, and the pay is not too bad as well.

4. I also want to write more. Not just in my blog, but in my fanfiction account as well. I haven’t updated for almost two years, so I really want to increase my readership.

So far these are all I could think off. But that is the thing about a new year.  We really can’t expect anything from it because everything is just beginning. We just have to go with its flow adding our own touches to what it brings.