Monthly Archives: April 2014

Disappointments and Self-loathing


Today was the graduation ceremony of our College. As the appointed head of the ushering committee, I had to make it right. After all, it was the last words the previous head told me. I had prepared for this day for more than two weeks. Sadly, all the preparation can only do so much.

We were very much undermanned, and other tasks kept on coming all over me. Guests were complaining. My team arrived late, or just stood there and lacked the initiative to actually work. I am extremely disappointed at them, but as their head, I am most disappointed at myself. I want to handle everything on my own, but I know for a fact that I can’t. And that hurts.

Also, my mother announced that my cousin received a scholarship to study in Japan for one week (which is one of my dreams), but last week I announced that our group thesis was selected to be presented in the Hawaii International Conference on Education. Of course, I was so happy and excited. My mom just said, “What’s that?” My mom just does not see the value in what I have achieve, even though I explained it to her. Since, I have no chance on actually presenting our paper due to monetary reasons, my mom thinks that is worthless, which equates ME to being worthless.

See where I get that perfectionist attitude and need for social recognition?

Well, I took this personality test today, I cam into terms with some of the information it presented. I find most of the interpretations quite accurate. My main motivations contradict with what my mother wants me to strive for. Frankly, I could care less about the pay. I do volunteer work all the time, and she just isn’t satisfied the way I am.
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Behind One Vote


I can’t believe it has been four moths since I was at that all important cross-road of my life. I spent the entire holidays thinking whether to run as our organization’s president or as a member of the student council. I chose the latter.

Taking part in the campaign, despite my earlier perceptions, was no easy task. It was definitely a whole new playing field, with its own set of rules. Good thing, the people I campaigned with were so open-minded and caring. I kept having problems and conflicts with other responsibilities, but they always comforted, welcomed and accommodated me. I couldn’t have asked for better slatemates, rather friends.

I don’t think I could have survived one whole month of stress and sleepless nights without them. A month before the actual campaign period, we started preparing. We had to read up on national and university- wide issues. We crammed so much information- which I don’t think we were able to use all of them. But learning all those, made me become a more socially aware student and member of society.

We tried to do things on our own. We created everything from scratch, being a newly established independent party. But, a few days before the actually start of the campaign, nerves got to us.

Because of that, we got help from more “credible” people. Instead of training among ourselves, one of the members invited guests to speak to us about the elections and how we should package ourselves. Having those talks served as a wake-up call. We needed to learn so much more.

I honestly thought of campaigning just like a normal person, wearing my shorts and my shirt. I learned, that it could work both ways. Voters may deem me as too lax verging on disrespectful, or they could see me as someone closer to the ordinary joe. I didn’t want to take that risk, as my slatemates. So we chose to get matching outfits. XD

Finally, those sleepless nights were put into action. The campaign period was both exciting and tiring. We had to be in school by 7 am in our best smiles. In between our classes, we walked around shaking hands with people we have never even met. We left the school at 8 pm, only to go to a place to learn more and cram even more information to our already tired minds. Despite all of that, we had to smile. Even if we wanted to cry, we had to smile.

During those two weeks, I learned something so much more important. I got to see who my true friends are. I saw the people who were willing to support me in my endeavor. My high school friends, who didn’t really go to the same University as me, helped me campaign!My college friends couldn’t even support me wholeheartedly. Those I didn’t consider friends helped me so much more. I really needed them. I could’t care less about the vote (though that was really important), but what mattered more to me was their emotional support. I really learned to be strong because during this time, true colors will shine.

We all went through so much pain just to get one vote. One vote defines win or lose. (Well, in our official results, two votes defined one candidate’s loss). Nonetheless, I thought of the whole process as a test, and winning the elections simply meant you pass. Beyond that test, however, is a much more challenging responsibility. If we didn’t survive those tough and stressful days, then it is more likely we would be able to survive the what lies beyond the great wall.


P.S. What actually transpired was so much more than what I have written. I believe I have learnt so much more about myself and about life in general though this experience. Sadly, I do not think I can narrate each one without going into the specifics, and that would just be too dragging. Though if you are interested in reading more about the elections and what I have experienced, do leave a comment, so that I could share more 🙂