Tag Archives: guidance

Break Down

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After more than 10 years, our car showed the signs that it had reach its limit. The air conditioned was not working right. There was a strange humming sound from the back. There were times when it just stopped all together. Do we notice these signs of a break down? Of course. Do we still use it? Of course! After all, we haven’t rendered it useless yet.

If only humans can easily show the signs of a breakdown…

Good thing most people can. Whenever I see someone gloomy, I can easily tell something is wrong. I simply ask, “Are you ok?”, and they will share their life’s sorrows with me. After hearing almost all of the stories, I realize that my friends’ problems are so much more childish than mine. Oh how I wish that their problems are mine. Even so, I listen to them. I may not sympathize with them, but I listen, and that is enough for them.

But, here lies the irony of the situation. I help people with their problems. I can’t sleep at night trying to think of ways to resolve conflicts. I constantly rehearse every word in my head trying to think of the perfect thing to say. I desperately try to please everyone, so that, even in my world, everyone could be happy. I try to make them happy, and for a few moments, I see that they truly are, and I am too.

But, they do not see. Behind the smiling face, listening ears, and caring hugs, is the real me. They do not see, or rather they do not wish to see. Here I am, with a giant neon sign with the word help,  and no one even notices. All, I want is someone to listen, but all I have is me, so I just cry myself to sleep to ease the pain.

Notice the signs. Fix the damages, while it can still be repaired.

The only thing I can hope for is that they won’t render me useless and drive me straight to the dump.

Change

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When I started my second year in college, I noticed that I have changes in my personality, and a lot of people have been noticing it as well. A few high school friends have told me that I had a new and “sassier” accent. Others told me I had become loud and much more talkative. While others asked me, “Are you even *insert name here*? ”

Honestly, I do not know whether this is good or bad. When I was in high school, I have always tried to be more confident and out going, but now that I have reached that state of being confident, I try to restrain my new found personality.

The reason why i try to restrain my current outgoing self is because of my high school friends. They met me and accepted me as the shy and quiet one. Would it seem like I was deceiving them with my facade? I do not want them to think of me that way because I value their freindship so much. They stuck by me even though I went through persecution. I love them so much. I know I am outgoing. I knew even then, yet why do I try to restrain this feeling in front of them?

My college friends, on the other hand, know me as a friendly over achiever. Nothing like my high school self. Now, I try to restrain my perky attitude, and they begin to feel like I am mad at them. Which is not the case. When I am in school now, I feel like the facade is the outgoing self and the real self is the introvert.

Funny how things never go the way we want it to be.

Honestly, I no longer no what to do. With the stress of school work piling up. I have no time to think about these. For the mean time, I would just tone down my active and bubbly personality in college, and lessen my talkative side in front of my high school friends. But for those who have better solutions please. I need help.

Setting Expectations

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Expectations are the things you want to see in in the future. You may expect great things like a car for your 18th birthday or expect smaller things like rain in the afternoon. Nonetheless, no matter what the degree of expectation is, one would evetually get hurt when it is not met.

So why am I talking about expectations? Because I have never been expected to do do anything. Ever since I could remember nobody expected anything out of me. Figuring I could change this in college, I try to be the best I can be. I have joined an organization, performed well in my academics, volunteered as an assistant. Even though I placed so much responsibility on myself, no one still expects anything out of me.

I know you’re thinking that I am the luckiest person in the world because people do not place responsibility on me, but I am not. By not setting expectations on me, I begin to question their level of trust in me. I begin to doubt my abilities, and question  why they don’t trust me.  And that triggers the ever suppressed inferiority complex. I begin to compare myself with everyone, thinking why they are all so much better than me.

Some people do say that maybe I am just not ready and it is not yet the right time, but I ask, “when will it be the right time? When will I ever be trusted to become a leader?”

Is it weird? Me thinking this way. I know. I am weird. I am different. I want the stress brought by expectations of others, and now, I have confronted my “boss” claiming I want more responsibilities. The only question now is whether I made the right decision or not.

Man Overboard

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Friends are always open with each other. They joke around, yes, but they trust each other. They help each other with almost everyhing. Wow. I can’t believe this is my only definition of a friend.

I just have a question that has puzzled my.mind for years. ( No, I am not exagerrating.) How does one tell when he has gone overboard with jokes and sarcasms? And when does one begin to take it offensive/ seriously? I honestly don’t know. I need help. ASAP.

I’m afraid all my friendships will fade soon, if my problem is not addressed.

Secret to Responsibility

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I have always loved responsibility. Sadly, no one ever gives it to me. Nobody thinks I have what it takes to handle it.

When I was younger, I too thought I could not handle it, but recently (now that I am in college) I feel like I could handle more things and perform better. Therefore, I tried joining an organization in line with my advocacy. I strive hard to get into it, gaining a little bit of confidence. When I was asked whether I deserved to join, I confidently said yes. Yes, because I knew I had done everything I can in my power to be able to accomplish the tasks given to me.

After being a member, I tried strive even harder for a higher position. Some older members/ leaders were “chosen” by the past people who held the position. Nonetheless, it was still a decision of the body. I tried to sense if the finance head would choose me as a future head, but until now, I sense nothing but his preference for my other co-orgmate. Though I did sense the publicity head show her liking towards me. Sadly she would not stay long enough to appoint me as the next head of publicity.

Well, since being the head of a committee in the organization did not work out as well as I hoped. I applied as a registration assistant. Being an RA would require at least two semesters of training. Today was my last day as a trainee for my first semester.

It is hard, but still I try to do the best  I can to make the registration process as easy as possible. I also try to show my good side to the heads. Now, they are deliberating whether who will move on to the next stage of the training. They asked me why I deserve to continue and surprisingly I have an answer for that as well. Someday, I do hope I get to be and official RA and I would hope to be the head of it too.

I realized something after doing these two things, I have the confidence to say I deserve the responsibility because of my hard work. If I was asked if I deserve past responsibilities, I would have said no. But now, I feel like I deserve everything I am about to get. But the biggest question that still plagues my mind is that why do I not have the responsibility? What is the equation for responsibility?

Confidence+ Hard work + ????? = RESPONSIBILITY