Tag Archives: school

Perfectionism as an Ideal Self

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Perfection. Impossible to achieve, yet why do I strive so hard to attain it?

Nowadays, I am always depressed. Ever since I became an officer (which was around June), I was never happy. I could not remember one day when I felt complete happiness. Every single day I am stressed. I get into arguments and misunderstandings with almost everybody. After doing so, I desperately try to take back every word I said (which was impossible).

One once said that you can never please everybody. It’s true. I realize that only now. I reevaluated myself, and realized that I did try to please everybody, so I stopped. I stopped being the perfect little girl everyone knew. I disagreed with them instead of saying yes all the time. I defended myself and my side. I spoke up, shared my thoughts and opinions. I was full of life in doing so, but after that it felt wrong. I regretted every word I said after every debate.

Every time I get into an argument, it hurt. I felt like I lost friends, despite it being work. I thought, like me, my friends knew how to separate work from personal relationships, but I was wrong. They couldn’t. I was (am still) alone.

I tried to go back to the perfect girl I was, but I no longer can. I wanted to be friends with everyone again. But relationships were broken, difficult to fix.

I realize now that I only tried to please everyone because I am trying to please myself. I want to be someone who is popular, someone who everyone likes. I desperately try to fit in with everybody, a leader of something. I had set perfection as my ideal self, only realizing  that it is something impossible to achieve. The pain of knowing a dream is never going to be fulfilled is something painful.

Now, I do not know what to do. Everyday, I am depressed. This has brought me nothing but misery. What should I do now?

 

 

Longing for You

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I long for the sensation of knowing you were waiting for me.
I long for the pleasure I get when I’m with you.
I long for the sweet caress of your skin against mine.
I long for the moment I wake up and see only your face.
Finally, today is the day I get to enjoy the time with you again.
Have you missed me? My dear sweet bed.

On: Long Hiatus

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Good day to all of the people who read this,

First of all, I would like to apologize for not updating. It has been a hectic month, with deadline after deadline. I was surprised that my last post was exactly one month ago September 17. Anyway, with requirements all done today, the semester is finally over. It just means that I am currently in the agony of waiting for my grades. By the time I get them, the new semester is about to begin. *Sigh* What am I going to do? That is the life of a college student.

Anyway, instead of looking ahead too much, I’ll just look forward to the semestral break. I already have 3 weeks planned. I mean, it was my motivation to finish all of my requirements. So here is the things I would be doing….soon… I really hope I get to…

Semestral Break Bucket List

[] Read and finish Mark of Athena by Rick Riordan– I began reading the day before my final exam. I passed that exam with flying colors :)) P.S. The book is AWESOME!!

[] Watch Perks of Being a Wallflower– I put it off until this week, but sadly, it’s not showing in the cinemas anymore, so I would just be waiting for the cd or dvd version of the movie. I really can’t wait.

[] Go to Canton, China– On October 22, I would be going to China with my dad, though I have to work for the plane tickets when I get back, and it’s not for leisure. I am going there for business purposes. Still a trip abroad is not bad.

[] Go to Bicol, Philippines– On October 30, I would be going to the PHilippines, but this time its for fun!

[] Practice the guitar- the guitar has already been kept in its proper case, touched by millions of dust and untouched by human hands. Better practice my skills soon.

[] Read more books– I already have a lot lined up like The Kane Chronicles (3 books) by Rick Riordan, The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery, The Fault in Our Stars by John Greene and Sophie’s World by John Gaarder. So many books so little time. I wonder how many will I actually get to finish? Hmmm….

[] Sleep longer- The past month has been so stressful that I slept at around 1 am being the earliest. I need to catch up on some zzzzss….
***nothing follows for now****

That’s about it. This weekend I am wondering whether I should join the sleepover of my organization. A lot has happened regarding the matter of my organization the past month. I do not know how to explain it.

Anyway, will report to you soon how my bucket list would be completed, or if any would be checked out. I would also be telling you a cautionary tale soon. This weekend most likely. Enjoy you days as well! Ciao 😀

Day of Epic Proportions (Finale)

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Today was the last day of the college entrance review program our organization organized, and it was the MOST fun ever.

The first part of the day was a post-test. We administered a test among the students to gauge how much they have learned and how well prepared they could be for the college entrance tests. The test papers were not printed on time, thus the students all had a lot of free time every after each subtest. So, I had to entertain them.

One student asked what is love? Of course, I told them I do not know.  They really got excited when the topic was about love.. >_< Kids, these days….

After checking some papers, I had to check their essays. Some were good, average, but some were quite poor. One paper stood out, and it compared education to a video game. I mean it is a very unique answer to write for a college entrance test.

After the test was done, and the checking as well, we asked the students to create a team cheer. Everyone was so excited, but a group of students did not want to join the festivities. I, along with a friend, accompanied them for a while, trying to make them join in. In the, end, they stood their ground. It was still fun getting to know that group of students.

After that, the CEO came to the room and was quite serious. She told us to get the students to fall in line immediately because they were            the last ones who were not in line. I was scared, and the students noticed that as well.

During the closing program, the students chanted the lecturer they wished to show the talent. Often, it was the CEO (the one who was favored by all). I thought nobody remembered me, but there were a number of time when they chanted my name, but would soon be forgotten. Even though my name soon faded, I am still very happy that I was remembered. Even for a short while.

After taking too much pictures, we all went home amidst the heavy rain.

It was another epic day, too bad it had to end. The chapter opened a few weeks ago, and now it is closed, but I’m sure another one will open soon. (Not know though, I’m tired and busy with school work -still a student remember?)

The whole teaching experience was enlightening. I got to meet a lot of different people, and I got to meet a different side of me as well. I loved every moment of the experience, good and bad. The passion to teach is once again ignited.

P.S. I almost cried today. Key word: Almost.

Spotting New Meat

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It sunk in. Yes it has. I saw them this morning with their bigger-than-their-body backpacks and shy grins on their faces. I am no longer the baby of the campus. I am no longer a freshman, and they are.

Some upperclassmen, not that I have seen or experienced before, like to bully cute little freshmen. So, I’ve devised this little list to help those future freshmen out there. This is how we, rather I as an upperclassman, identify freshmen or as how we call them, “freshies”.

Signs one is a freshman in college: (at least what I think applies here in my university)

1. If the university has no uniforms, they are wearing neat and proper clothes. If the university has, they usually have cleaner uniforms.

example: long pants, collared shirts, rubber shoes, shiny black shoes

2. They carry large  and bigger than their body backpacks. When you ask them for something, they have it.

example: Ask for a yellow pad, they have it. Ask for scissors they have it. Literally, a walking, talking , breathing mall.

3. They carry a long clear envelope of their files like class cards, forms. (A/N: I don’t understand why they’re so proud to show it off.)

4. Parents accompany them everywhere from orientations to meeting professors, enrollment. Everywhere. And usually, it is not just one parent, but the whole family, even the little baby.

5. They often have a map of the campus, and asks for directions when they get lost. Upperclassmen find this as a great opportunity to “help” them.

P.S. Freshies, welcome to the world known as the rest of your life. And please, you got into university with a brain, use it with great and wise judgement.

Again Welcome!