Category Archives: relationships

Mirror

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Sometimes you wonder whether what you do is enough, and that is normal. But when you begin to doubt every single thing you do, then something must be wrong. You’ve accomplished a lot in your life. You’ve excelled far more than others, yet why do you sell yourself short? Whatever made you think that way?

Do you think I was born with this ideology? I was programmed to be like this for 20 years. I don’t just know it, I live it. I wish to blame you– the people who always put me down, who always does better in everything do, who see no good in any attempt I try to pursue. You! Who always compares me with the rest of the world. Will I ever stop blaming you- you who’s standing right in front of the mirror?

You can change. If you want to, you can.

Don’t you think I want to? And, don’t use the line “If there is a will, there is a way” on me. I have the will, and I will make the way. I have already proven that. But if others don’t help me make the way, I’ll be spending my whole life building that road to the end without ever reaching it.

Then stop looking in front of the mirror blaming yourself, and start looking elsewhere!

And get slapped in the face?! I am built to bite my tongue.

Be careful. You might bite your tongue off, and bleed to death.

I’ve proven that theory to be false. I’m still here aren’t I?

Are you?

*silence*

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Celebrations: Winter Warmth

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Just click the photo for the full story ūüôā

Happy Holidays Everyone! I do hope you are enjoying your time with your love ones this time. Before the day ends, I stared a series entitled “Celebrations”.

The series is composed of short stories revolving a certain celebration around the world. Please do check it out! Here is a blurb for my first story: Winter Warmth.

He didn’t want to go out. It was freezing, and he hated the cold.
She had the power over him, and she knew how to use it so well.

He can no longer take it. He had to tell her.
She can no longer take it. She had to tell him.

What do you think about it? If you are interested in reading it, just click the photo above ūüôā
Again, thank you for reading, and have a happy holidays!

Everything has Changed

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I can’t believe I haven’t updated in 2 months. For that, this may be pretty long because a lot has happened over two months. But one of my most life-changing moments happened in less than an hour.

I have been having problems with my bosses- the president, vice-president and the secretary. (And that leaves me in my committee). They have just been too selfish and self-centered. So, when the secretary couldn’t ‘suck-it-up’ anymore, he decides to send me a crappy resignation letter, and that just threw me off. The next day, I talked to them.

I told them I had to talk to them, and they agreed to meet me at the park. It was 8:30 pm. I told them everything- from how pathetic and lazy they were, to how selfish they have gotten. Most of all, I told everything to the president, how he was never the reason I stayed in the committee, and followed his orders. It was all because of the vice-president. He is the one who made sense.

It was 9:30 pm when my tears stopped falling.

After that, the secretary still talked to me. The president made some sense, but only for a short while. He is now slowly going back to his old habits. As for the vice-president, he told me, “It’s better if we do not interact anymore because I can not take that crap anymore.¬†Have you noticed? We ¬†(referring to the four of us) all have changed, ever since we became leaders.” (Non-verbatim of course).

Of course, I was devastated. To think I stuck up for him. He ended our last conversation with, “I know none of us (referring to the four of us) would be staying or coming back to the organization next year, so I want to leave with nothing but good memories, so I’m doing this. And I hope you would too.”

Due to the unpleasing results, it makes me wonder if I shouldn’t have done anything. Yes, I regret my actions, but again, the wise vice-president told me, “It is ok. You should not regret it. Because if it wasn’t you, someone from us, sooner or later, would have done the same. And I think it would not have been prettier.”

Indeed, everything has changed. I just hope all of this ‘change’ would be for the better.

The Happiness Bottle Hypothesis

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Every bottle is different.

Every bottle is different.

I’m sure you have experienced a day, or maybe even days, of complete and utter euphoria. After which, that state of excitement immediately sends you into a pit of depression and despair. No, it is not the ‘back to normal’ feel, but rather goes beyond that and completely damages your train of thought. You begin realizing new problems that problems about anything and everything that may or may not concern you at all. Thus, with a hoodie covering your head and black eyeliner beneath your eyes you walk through the halls with a shadow of gloom following your every move. I propose this ¬†phenomenon as The Happiness Bottle Hypothesis.

This hypothesis has several postulates that are observed to be true:

1. The amount of happiness of people experience vary.
The premise is that we all have a bottle of happiness. We get unlimited refills in these bottle, but the size of the bottle depends on several factors like family, friends, school, finances, etc., but the most important factor is perspective. What truly sets apart the amount of happiness your bottle can hold is your perspective. Happiness is a perspective of how you view things that are in your life. Happiness, being subjective, is different from one person to another. Person A may view getting a flat tire as destiny and should just accept that things happen for a reason, while Person B sees it as pure dumb luck. Happiness is just a perspective, so it is up to you to determine the amount of happiness your bottle can possess.

2. Despite that, there is a finite amount of happiness a person can possess in a day.

When you wake up in the morning, someone refills our bottle. There is a specific amount of happiness in that bottle, anything more than that just overflows. Even though the amount of happiness you could possess is indefinite, there is a finite amount of happiness you can use in a day. People who are optimistic and carefree are able to use more happiness in a day (due to having a larger bottle), as opposed to pessimistic people.

Being cheerful THROUGHOUT the day (note: It means evenly spread out through the day) shows you were able to evenly distribute the happiness for that day. If you were happy only in the morning, then you must have used up all of it already.

3. Nonetheless, the happiness of one day can be used by another day.
There are days when you are extremely happy for a long period of time. Maybe you were at a party with some old friends. Maybe you got promoted and celebrated. This happens to most of us. You use up all our happiness and unconsciously use up the next day’s worth as well. It’s like ordering an extra drink without having money to pay so you borrow some from a friend. Eventually you have to pay your dues. Using up more than a bottle’s worth leaves the next day with none to use. You begin feeling depressed. Looking back at that moment when we cared for nothing and had so much fun, you begin thinking of things you might have regret doing. You go back to thinking about your work, you spouse, your friends, even global warming. Such is just the effect of draining the happiness bottle.

4. Oh and yes, you can run out of happiness!
Remember, happiness is a perspective. If you choose to see yourself being miserable for the rest of your life, then it just means you sold your happiness bottle to some dude in a grey suit and tie. But if you just enjoy life consistently, you get unlimited refills!

Thus ends the Happiness Bottle Hypothesis.

Disclaimer: This is just a perspective of mine. I am not imposing my thoughts, just expressing them.

What Happened

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I was running 2 hours late- literally running. It was my high school friend’s birthday dinner, and I haven’t seen him or my friends for almost half a year. Still, I chose to be late.

Upon reaching the place, I saw that everyone had already finished eating. I went up to the celebrant and greeted him with a ‘happy birthday’ and a hundred apologies, which he just dismissed with a ‘thank you for coming’. When I gave him my gift, I looked for a seat, but all was taken. I sighed.

A space was suddenly made for me, right beside HIM. He was, how should I say it, my first unrequited love. We were the best of friends in grade school. In high school, we confessed to each other, yet nothing happened. We simply drifted apart, but still, I sat down beside him.

I mingled with my other friends, never even beginning a conversation with the guys seated next to me. I had a wonderful time, when I suddenly felt a hand grasp mine. Fingers began to interlock with mine, yet I did not respond to this act. I looked at he who sat next to me, but he was happily chatting with other people. I did not know what to do. My heart was beating rapidly, yet I just continued talking, looking away from him but with his hand holding my hand.

After dinner, someone suggested to walk around the mall, and everyone agreed. I still could not comprehend what had happened in the restaurant, but he seemed to not be affected by it at all. So i simply brushed it off.

While walking, I did not notice that he stood right beside me. Several times, I felt his hands brush mine. Every time that happened, my heart skipped a beat. I could no longer take it, so I took his hand in mine. I looked at his face, and it was still apathetic.

Then, I decided to release my hand, when he stops me. He interlaced his fingers with mine once again. Only, this time around, I held his hand back. No words were exchanged, just the touch of hands.

And so, this is what happened last night… When I was sleeping.

Yes, it happened only in my dreams.

Children, How Times Have Changed

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To the Children of the World. How Times have Changed.

Before. Children play outside. Running and laughing in the streets.
Now. Children play inside. Befriending and staring at the screens.

Before. Children go to school. Learning and earning a degree.
Now. Children go to work. Earning and making ends meet.

Before. Children listen to their parents. To know what is right and good.
Now. Children listen to their music. To drown and forget everything else.

Before. Children cry. Tears of joy and happiness.
Now. Children cry. Tears of sorrow and pain.

Before. Children lived to learn.
Now. Children live to survive.

The Things Never Meant to Be

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Whenever I speak, I feel weak.
Whenever I express, my soul is in distress.
Whenever I lead, it all becomes a dream.
Whenever I try, I crash and fail to fly.

But I still want to speak.
I still want to express.
I still want to lead.
I still want to fly.

But just like the rock who is never meant to walk.
Just like the leaves who were never meant to believe.

I am never meant to speak.
I am never meant to express.
I am never meant to lead.
I am never meant to fly.

I am never meant to dream.
I am only meant to weep.

For the First Time

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Last year, I was determined to join the student council of our college, but a couple of weeks ago, I declined their offer.

I remember those days when I wanted a position, yet I threw away one of the highest positions I could ever have. I threw away one of the biggest opportunities I wished for.

Nonetheless, I want to experience getting nominated for a position, so I ran for a position in our organization- a position as the executive for finance.

Upon hearing the news, a lot of the members questioned my decision. They think I fit a better position. It maybe lower, but they think it is a job only I could handle at the moment. I am extremely happy that, for once in my life, people believe in me, in my skills and ideas. Still, I chose a decision against all expectations. Even though I wanted the lower position in the first place, there are several reasons that made me choose otherwise:

1. My academics- having the higher position would take less time away from my academics. The higher position is a one-man team, unlike the lower one. I would be able to work on my own pace.

2. My Working Style- a lot of people say that I am strict and a perfectionist. It may sound rude by I do not want anyone slowing me down. Also, I do not like or am uncomfortable when working in teams.

3. My Friend- my friend wants the lower position though I do not think she is capable YET to lead it.

The elections would happen in a couple of days. I do hope I get to explain my plans well in the forum (we call it a grilling) before the elections.

About Me Series: Jealousy

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Jealousy is a sin- a sin I am deeply entangled with.

My brother who isn’t even a year older than me is so much smarter than me. He has entered competitions, a prestigious high school as well as a university. He is currently studying to be a doctor. He always gets what he wants. I mean always. Even though my parents reprimand him, he still gets his way. He has this strange addiction to computer gaming, and my parents are¬†angry¬†at him because of that, yet they still let him play. Whenever we eat out, he always orders the most expensive or one of the most expensive dishes. He was the first one to get an android phone in our family. Indeed, there is something to be jealous about there.

I have a friend in high school. We were the best of friends, yet she is the one who is noticed by all. She is so much more popular than me, yet we are always together. She is well liked by all- even teachers remember her than me. I only get noticed when I do something funny with her, but then I get forgotten soon enough. Indeed, there is something to be jealous about there.

In college, I thought I can get rid of being the shadow of my best friend, but soon enough I met someone just like her. A risk-taker. A friend of everyone. I tried so hard to be better than her, and I think I am, but everyone still likes her more. Everyone expects her to be the next leader. Everyone expects greater things from her. Indeed, there is something to be jealous about there.

Another girl I met in college is very pretty- or so everyone says. I do not think it is pure jealousy, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It’s just that my eyes are broken. Everyone wants to be her friend. Everyone thinks she’s so great, but I just can’t see it. I do not see what makes her so capable when all she does is sit¬†prettily¬†and show off her skin.¬†Indeed, there is something to be jealous about there.

Jealousy is indeed a sin- a sin I am deeply entangled with. So how do I break free of these shackles of sin that bind me from flying free?

How I Ended My 17 Year Old Life

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Today. Not exactly this time, but 18 years ago, I was born. Every year on my birthday, I would recount whether I had a fruitful year or not. And every year, regret is all I could remember. This year, on the other hand, I think I was able to maximize my 17 year old life. Its not that I do not have regrets, of course I do, but I think the happy memories I made impacted me so much more. So here is the run down of what I have achieved in my 17th year:

1. I became a member of an organization and endured a painstaking application process.
2. I had my first summer class in my life (not due to failing grades, but just because i wnated to.)
3. I had my highest general weighted average, so far.
4. I went to China for a convention.
5. I went to Bicol, rode ATVs, climbed a volcano and a mountain.
6. Etc. I could not remember all of them….

and for the past three days, I have been partying…
1. Friday night: our organization’s dance competition. It is our organization’s biggest event. I got home at around 11 pm.

2. Saturday Night: I went to our organization’s semi-formal party, and got to meet a lot of alumni members. We had fun, games, danced. I was not able to join them in going to the after-party since I was still a minor at those times. I got home at around 11 pm too.

3. Sunday Night: I treated my high school friends to dinner. It was much like a small reunion. It was really fun. I do hope they had fun too. I got home at around 11 again.

I do not think there is a need to mention my regrets. because I think I would just be sad as I remember those events. I do not want to spoil my own birthday!

Finally 18 and legal!